Runtar’s Diary: I Told a Devil a Joke

Ariel sent us presents in our sleep, Mum. I heard distant shouting. Daisy got the useful version, which was that we’re in danger. Apparently even warnings need someone to explain them to me.

I got a magnificent belt that makes me big and strong. I admired it, put it on, and went downstairs to miss a bone devil twice.

We’d come for books about killing vampires. The first room was full of skulls and a woman who announced she was going to kill us with a bone devil. She then needed a moment to summon it. We gave her the moment.

I regret our manners.

The devil battered me unconscious. Daisy teleported over, rummaged through my pockets and poured my own healing potion into me. Very grateful. Slightly disappointed I was funding the rescue.

On waking, I suggested going upstairs, shutting the door and reading Twilight instead. Nobody seemed keen, despite my extensive research into lying on the floor.

I tried putting up my magical hut. Turns out it takes a minute, which is inconvenient when something is trying to murder you immediately.

Bawbaggins hid among the bones and landed a tremendous psychic knife attack. Daisy blasted the devil with a bouncing orb, which also melted the woman. I got back to hitting things and eventually contributed.

Then, while the devil was attacking Baubaggins, I told it it’d never get a date because it had no body to go with.

It collapsed into a pile of bones.

I’ve finally found something that dies when I tell a joke.

Afterwards I spotted a promising book on a shelf. Still need to find out what’s in it. We’ve only cleared the first room, and I already need another lie-down.

Love,